Mysterious Discrepancy Between Inflation and Musician Pay
April 1, 2021
the American Polka Music Federation released a statement on Tuesday
they've discovered an alarming discrepancy between what some musicians
are currently being paid and
the national rate of inflation.
"I am horrified beyond belief," said APMF President Stan Greschman,
"but our research has conclusively determined that some polka musicians
in the Milwaukee area have
playing for the same rate for the past thirty years! How did this
come to happen? And how long
been going on?"
"Oh, duh..." he
quietly added. "Can you edit that last part out?"
The APMF shared the
following data on their website:
Adjusted for Inflation
for Private Jobs
Adjusted for Inflation
for Public Jobs
Heinzinger, longtime polka bandleader from Milwaukee, seemed shocked to
discover what the APMF research revealed. "I've been playing music all
over town since the 1970s. I guess I just lost track of time.
Heck, before you know it, the new millennium will be here!"
We attempted to inform Heinzinger that the new millennium had arrived
more than two decades ago, but he was too preoccupied with trying
to wrestle a dime back from
a parking meter.
Organization Members "Take It Outside"
April 1, 2021
A police vehicle
dash camera recorded these images of
the scuffle in progress.
Police were called to the
Zwarzyńska Recreation Hall in South Milwaukee on Monday after receiving
a report of a fight in progress. An officer arrived to find Gary
Loughmiller (83), Fred Palowski (74), and Donald
Weiss (79) involved in a physical altercation outside the main entrance.
According to police
records, the men were attending a meeting hosted by a local polka
music organization when a disagreement erupted over whether or not to
postpone a spring dance over health and safety concerns.
Witnesses say as the argument heated up, Palowski grabbed a
microphone from Weiss and threatened to strike Weiss in the face with
it. That's when Loughmiller suggested they "take it outside."
Although none of the
thrown punches hit its mark, all three men were helped off
the ground by first responders and transported
by ambulance to area hospitals for treatment of broken bones, pelvic
fractures, displaced joints, contusions, abrasions, hypertension, and
cause of their injuries was officially listed as COVID-19.
One witness, Corrine
Richter, stated that Palowski has a history of threatening violence.
"He's been kicked out of dances before. I think he's a few lights short
of a Christmas tree. He walks around at festivals wearing a Milwaukee
Fire Department shirt and cap. I don't get it. The guy works at a
The police officer
the call, Martin LaVigne, said he was perplexed by what he saw when he
arrived. "I pulled up to the entrance and at first I couldn't tell what
was happening. I wasn't sure if they were fighting or performing Tai
Chi," LaVigne explained. "They had fire in their eyes
and they were yelling, but it was like their shirts had been starched
with molasses. I just sat there for a minute and watched it all unfold
in slow motion."
Ed Bowen, the polka
organization's president who was not present at the meeting, commented
Violence is NOT how we solve problems. We've always done things a
certain way, and when someone proposes changes, we don't get physical.
We just ask them to leave. #wistatedance
Bowen (@embowen53) March 28, 2021
Before being released
from the hospital, Palowski was charged with three counts of battery to
a health care worker, criminal damage to a vending machine,
of a medical professional, obstruction, disorderly conduct, littering,
lewd and lascivious behavior, trespassing, and public urination.
No charges were filed
Loughmiller or Weiss.
After viewing police dash
cam footage of the melee, we visited the residences of
all three men to ask why none was wearing a protective face mask. Weiss
was not at home and could not be reached for comment.
Palowski threatened to call the police if we didn't get off his lawn.
Loughmiller responded by saying they would have been wearing
masks, but Tom Brusky didn't have enough time to Photoshop them in.
Finally Earns One Dollar from Digital Streaming
April 1, 2021
feels like a weight's been lifted off my shoulders," exclaimed an
elated Mike Trepcza as he hoisted a celebratory beer.
Trepcza of the Delaware Dynaphonics
Trepcza, 38, is
a trumpet and concertina player from Delaware who leads his own polka
band, Mike Trepcza
and the Delaware Dynaphonics. Two years ago, he uploaded his
band's five albums to all the major music streaming services, such as
iTunes, Spotify, and YouTube.
"Every month I would
check the stats to see how our albums were doing. Most months we'd
make a few cents, but there were some months we'd only make
a half of a cent. Those were the lean months," said Trepcza.
In their first year of
streaming, Trepcza says his band's albums earned 43 cents, but their
second year ended with a boost in South American streams that pushed
their total two-year earnings to $1.02.
When asked what he was
going to do with his very first dollar earned from streaming services,
said, "The responsible thing — I'm going to put it toward the
$395.00 I paid to get my band's albums on those services."
by most services can be as low as one tenth of a cent per stream. Such
small payouts have brought the music streaming model under scrutiny by
music organizations around the world who are pushing for a fairer
One such service under
scrutiny is Spotify, so we reached out
by phone to Spotify CEO Daniel Ek for his explanation of why it took
two years for the Delaware Dynaphonics to crack the one dollar mark.
"We looked into Mr.
Trepcza's account. We didn't find anything unusual," Ek said. "He, I
mean his band, I'm afraid they, uh, well, they just don't have any
fans. I'm sorry, I don't know what else to say."
Trepcza admitted that his
band never developed an online following. "But that's slowly changing,"
he said. "In fact, just yesterday we gained a new listener who never
would have found us if it weren't for Spotify. His name is Arturo
Gregores. He's a chicken farmer from Villa Puertas, Argentina."
"Thank you, Arturo,"
added a smiling Trepcza, "For your one third of a cent."
Goes Two Consecutive Weeks Without Airing His Own Band's Music
April 1, 2021
and radio host Skip Olson, courtesy of WCTO
Skip Olson, leader of the
Skip Olson Orchestra and host of the Sunday
Polka Party on WCTO in Oconto Falls, has not played his own
band's music on his radio show for two consecutive weeks.
This achievement broke
the record previously held by Stan Gorecki, leader of the Stan
Gorecki Band, who hosted a polka show on WRHF in Akron, Ohio. On
January 26, 2004, Gorecki broadcast an entire one-hour show without
a single cut from any one of his band's albums.
According to syndicated
polka radio host Anderson Kevins, most bandleaders who have their own
polka show will promote their own band within the first fifteen
minutes of the show. "To go even thirty minutes without self promotion
is almost unheard of," Kevins added. "What Olson accomplished is
unprecedented. I doubt I'll see that happen again in my lifetime."
When asked to comment on
his legendary achievement, Olson, 81, humbly replied, "I guess it
really hadn't occurred to me. Honestly, I don't know what all the fuss
[Note from the Editor: As
this article was going to press, it was announced that Olson's
accomplishment earned him a nomination for the American Polka
Association's Lifetime Achievement award. If Olson wins, it will be his
third Lifetime Achievement award from the APA.]
Organization Seeks Sideman Nominations
April 1, 2021
The Midwest Polka
Booster Club just released the nomination form for their 2020 Sideman
of the Year award. Bandleaders interested in nominating a
sideman from their band are
encouraged to visit the MPBC
website and fill out the nomination form. For convenience, I
published a copy of the form below:
MIDWEST POLKA BOOSTER CLUB
2020 Nomination Form
— SIDEMAN OF THE
of Your Band:
many of your
band's jobs does this sideman play?
All of them
_____ More than half
_____ Less than half
_____ He only takes the local gigs; he's driving on a suspended license
this sideman show up for gigs
_____ Most of the time
_____ Not usually
_____ He always shows up 20 minutes
before the gig. Unfortunately it takes
him 30 to set up
this sideman willing to learn and practice new material?
Yes, he's always eager to learn new songs
_____ Yes, but only if it's for an
_____ He doesn't have time to practice, but he's a quick
_____ Are you kidding? He hasn't bothered to learn anything new since
well does this sideman maintain his gear?
He regularly buys the latest, newest gear.
He takes good care of
his vintage equipment.
He only changes his guitar strings when they break
Have you seen his drum heads? They're 50% duct tape
this sideman friendly with the crowd?
_____ Yes, he goes from
table to table to chat with everyone
_____ He's quite sociable and everyone likes his sense of humor
_____ He is a nice guy, but mostly he keeps to himself
_____ When he makes his
for the bar, he knocks dancers over like bowling pins
this sideman smile on stage?
_____ Yes, everyone
loves his infectious smile
_____ Most of the time, especially if he's in a good mood
_____ Not too often, because he's usually concentrating on the music
_____ Yes, if by "smile" you mean he looks like Robert De Niro after a
this sideman drink on the job?
_____ No, he abstains from drinking until
the job is over
Yes, but only sociably while on break
If we're having an especially fun gig, he might get a little buzzed
That's not a windscreen on his microphone; it's a vomit guard
8. Is this sideman able and willing to take musical direction?
_____ Yes, he's serious about playing
He's doesn't need much direction; he's very intuitive that way
Once in a while, but mostly I let him do his own thing
Have you ever gotten a glare so cold that it may have shaved a month
your life span?
9. How fun is it to travel with this sideman?
_____ Very. He's a riot to travel with
He's fun to travel with because he has a lot of interesting stories
He's pretty quiet, so he's easy to get along with on road trips
The first time he farted in the van, it was funny. The 20th time, not
10. What would you say is this sideman's best quality?
_____ His personality. He makes every job
His talent. There's no one better in the business
His dependability. He's never missed a job in his life
His ability to remain standing and playing when he's
More Polka News
Headlines from Around the World
April 1, 2021
KOCZEK, Poland (AP) — Six Polish polka
musicians drowned Monday afternoon while swimming in Lake
Zdróżno. Witnesses said immediately after entering the water,
the musicians started flailing and gasping for air. The region's chief
medical examiner listed the musicians' cause of death as accidental
to their protective face masks having become waterlogged.
(AP) — Munich's annual
celebration, which was canceled last year due to the coronavirus, is
re-open at "ten-cerpent percacity" for the 2021 season. "Thatsss
ten-cerpent percaci-city," slurred Oktoberfest Biermeister Otto
Schultz, "Fer every [burp] a hunderd people that comes to Og... Oger...
Ogberrrrfest... we let ten [burp] more people in. Or something
yeah. I think." We attempted to verify this information by reaching out
to Horst Müller, German Minister of Health, but his office staff
said he had not yet stumbled in to work.
Mexico (Reuters) — Sergio
Santoza, the legendary conjunto button box player credited with having
invented the button box jam session, was shot and killed Wednesday.
Santoza, 82, was the first button box player to form a button box
ensemble — a concept that somehow propagated throughout the
polka music circuit. The shooter was positively identified as Jerry
S. Lobuvic of Hermitage, Pennsylvania. Police efforts to
locate Mr. Lobuvic were called off after an exhaustive five-minute
remains closed pending no further investigation.
London (AP) — Niles Crumley,
58, who suffered
from post-traumatic stress disorder ever since he saw the cover of
Yankovic's "Dance Little Bird" record, has finally been cured. When
Crumley was a young boy, his parents took him shopping at Bristol Fox
Records in London. That's when he
stumbled across Yankovic's album and began screaming at the top of his
lungs. The image
of the bird, according
to Crumley, caused
him to suffer night terrors for the next 50 years. Crumley says he is
also not too fond of clowns, puppets, or robots.
Netherlands (UPI) — Vistaprint, the Dutch-based business that
direct-to-consumer printing services through its website portal, has
it's minimum business card order for polka
bands from 100 to 10. "Polka bands are still welcome to order a hundred
cards," chuckled Vistaprint's
marketing director Gerlof Van der Berg, "But seriously."
(AP) — On
Saturday, Slovenia's most popular televised music show accidentally
featured a live performance. A sound technician for Zvezde Televizija,
a show that broadcasts polka ensembles performing to studio-recorded
music in front of a live audience, accidentally switched the audio feed
from the band's CD to the overhead stage microphones. Angry members of
the studio audience voiced their complaints on social media later that
night. "I drove fifty kilometers to hear the band lip-sync to their
CD," said a livid
Marjana Vrabel via Facebook. "Why on earth would anyone drive that
far to hear music live?"
Sweden (Reuters) — For the very first time, a polka musician won Artist of the Year from the Swedish
Academy of Folk Music, but the academy made an error when announcing
the winner. Stas Buczynski was originally announced as the winner, but
an hour later, the academy apologized for having made mistake and
declared Stas Buczkewski as the winner. "I take full responsibility,
but for crying out loud, how is anyone expected to get those crazy
Polish names right?" inquired the academy's president, Farthæghn