Tom Brusky - News and Editorials

Thank You, But No Nominations Necessary
July 27, 2015

Since releasing my WEAK Polka Pontoon CD last year, a number of professionals in the polka music industry have asked me if I wouldn't mind them nominating it for various polka music awards. I answered them by saying that, while I appreciate the compliment and the consideration, it would be best to nominate another musician's or band's CD. And here is my explanation:

At a typical pie-baking contest at a county fair, contestants bake their best homemade pies and submit them to a panel of judges for judging. All of the judges taste each of the fifteen pies and judge them accordingly.

Now imagine that instead of tasting each pie, the judges only receive a written list of all the contestants and the pies they baked. Some of the judges may have sampled a few of the pies, but not all of them. Some of the judges haven't sampled any of the pies at all. And now they are being asked to pick the best pie from the list.

It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? Well, this is exactly how music awards are won. Voters see the nominated recordings on the ballot, but they haven't heard all of them. Some of the voters may have heard a few of the recordings or maybe just one or two songs from a few of them. Some voters may not heard any of the recordings at all. So they'll pick from only the recordings they've heard parts of, or they'll choose from the names they recognize. Some voters will pick a recording they've never heard based on their assumption it's probably the best one.

An award won in this manner has absolutely no appeal to me whatsoever.

About ten years ago, the president of a fledgling polka organization and I hashed out ideas for laying the groundwork for their future awards program. One idea, about which I was adamant, was that they forgo the way all other polka awards programs are run; instead of allowing volumes of people to vote, they restrict voting to a small panel of qualified judges and make it easy for all polka bands and musicians to get their CDs into the hands of every one of the judges. Then, and only then, would winning be worth anything, because every CD would judged equally. Furthermore, the winning CD would be chosen strictly based on the quality of the content, and not the popularity of the musicians.

One of my ideas – the name of the award – was adopted. But my proposed method of voting was voted down by their board of directors in favor of allowing unlimited numbers of people to vote... just like every other polka awards program. So now we have yet another awards program in which the judges are choosing the best pie without tasting all the pies.

While I support polka organizations and their efforts, and while I am always honored whenever someone considers my work as award-worthy, the awards themselves don't hold any actual merit. They're great for publicity, but they do not define quality. Most other industry professionals agree with that, but choose not to state it publicly.

For every musician who understands the inauspicious nature of music awards, there will always be a musician who doesn't. Perhaps he feels that winning an award is the highest validation he can receive for his efforts, or perhaps he just likes collecting bullets on his résumé. Regardless, a nomination for me would be a wasted nomination, because it would better serve the desires of any number of musicians out there who need the validation. Your compliments, words of encouragement, or just a thumbs up will always have a greater meaning to me than any trophy or plaque.

Mega Polka Entertainment Complex Scheduled To Open This Fall
April 1, 2015

Each year seems to bring the loss of another church festival or public dance venue. That's why entrepreneur and millionaire philanthropist Fred Marcosi (owner of the Fish-fil-A franchise) is doing the unthinkable — he's building a new music facility for the sole purpose of keeping polka music going in Milwaukee.

Marcosi's grand complex "The Gold Finch" will feature a 4,000 sq ft. main ballroom, two side rooms for nightly jam sessions, an upper-level casino with a full-service kitchen and dining room, and a heated parking garage. Admission and food will be free, but there's a catch... this will be a members-only club, and membership fees will cost $20.00/year. (Still, not a bad deal.) Marcosi's plan is to feature Milwaukee's top polka bands every weekend, and occasionally bring in polka bands from all over the world.

The Gold Finch, currently under construction at 10480 W. Sunset Lane in Greenfield, is slated to open September 17th. Prepračija Zablujišče, a young, all-female polka band from Slovenia, will perform on the ballroom's opening night.

Polka bands interested in performing at the Gold Finch should contact Mike Check at (123) 123-1234.

New Polka Tabloid Hits Market Today
April 1, 2015

If you've been listening to the buzz in polka internet chat rooms lately, then you've certainly heard about the new polka tabloid, Polkaworld. The magazine is being sold on newsstands at all Kroger food stores in Wisconsin. Unlike other polka publications currently in circulation, this one is definitely the "TMZ" of polka magazines.

In the first issue, there's even a little blurb about how I fell back on polka music after my professional tennis career ended in 1997 due to a torn ACL (which is complete nonsense since I was playing professional baseball at that time.) Apparently they can legally print whatever they want because they claim to be an entertainment magazine. Personally, I'm not really sure what to think of Polkaworld. I just hope they don't find out that my cats are aliens and my accordion emits hypersonic waves that control their litter-box spacecraft.

Ebenezer "Bumba" Miller, Amish Inventor of the Stump Fiddle, Dies
April 1, 2015

The man whose spur-of-the-moment invention became a legendary polka instrument passed away at his home in Lancaster, Pennsylvania Monday night, surrounded by hundreds of family and friends. Ebenezer "Bumba" Miller (whose face is disguised for religious reasons... and quite possibly for his family's protection) was 102.

According to Miller's son, Jeremiah, Ebenezer was in his early teens attending a barn dance when he noticed the fiddle band was performing without a percussionist. Ebenezer quickly fashioned together an impromptu instrument by nailing various items to a stick, including a suspension spring from a horse-drawn buggy, a pie tin, a cow bell, and a wood block. The stump fiddle, and its arguably notorious reputation, were born.

Although the instrument, also commonly called a bumba stick, grew in popularity among the farming community, the professional musicians of the era held the boisterous instrument in disdain. In 1941, lawmakers in Bucks County, Pennsylvania, under pressure from the local musicians union, outlawed the bumba stick. But the law was repealed just fifteen minutes later when protesters showed up at the front steps of the courthouse and played their stump fiddles non-stop.

"It was the loudest, most horrific wall of noise I'd ever heard in my life!" recalled one lawmaker. "It sounded like a thousand rattle snakes ransacking a hardware store."

Both protesters were eventually cited for disorderly conduct, but the fate of the stump fiddle as an irrevocable icon of American folk music had been sealed.

Miller's original stump fiddle is on permanent exhibit at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington D.C., even though most of it has rotted away due to having been tossed into Jacob's Creek the night it was invented.

Miller is survived by 27 descendants (41 including those who have been shunned.) He will be laid to rest at Oak Grove Cemetery in a beautiful, wood-inlaid casket that he built himself in under thirty minutes. The community will hold a memorial picnic on Wednesday, April 1st at Hiram Schwartz's farmstead on Old Maple Road. This will be a straw hat event. Proper attire is required.

Dan Tutsch to Replace Engelbert Humperdinck in Las Vegas
April 1, 2015

The man whose golden voice has been an integral part of my band's live and recorded music for the past fifteen years has accepted an offer to take over for the aging Engelbert Humperdinck in Las Vegas, beginning this November. Humperdinck, who is in his 57th year as an entertainer, personally requested Dan Tutsch to be his replacement.

Dan will be performing five shows a week at the historic Riviera Hotel for an annual salary of $2.6 million, making him the fourth highest-paid singer in Las Vegas behind Wayne Newton, Barry Manilow, and Tay Zonday.

In keeping with entertainment tradition, Humperdinck, who was born Bert Hump, insisted Dan take the stage name Donovan Tutscheitzsparzck. We all wish Dan the best!